Hannah Zahn
4 min readApr 27, 2021

An artist adrift…

Good afternoon and welcome to today’s edition of “I’m scared and confused and lost!” I’m writing this because there’s a lot going on in my head and I would like the little gremlins who operate my brain to pls GET A GRIP. God! Wat has our world come to —

For some context: I have a job. (This statement is mostly for my uncle who asked me at a funeral recently whether or not I was ever planning to “work for a living.”)

These past few weeks have been SUCH a struggle for me. I love childcare and I am very good at it but I am BURNT tf out. (This is a completely unheard of phenomenon unique to just me.)

I have a tendency to go above and beyond at any job I have, and this is no exception. And I’m not trying to toot my own horn here, because going above and beyond — to the point of utter exhaustion— for a job to “pay the bills” is VERY FOOLISH.

“I’m so good at my job that I don’t even really want!” — I toot from the horn of my clown car.

But srsly, I put my whole heart into this job and I love those little babies and yet I feel like if I don’t pursue my creative talents then the resentment is just gunna live inside me rent-free. Probably find another resentment, settle down, have kids, hire a nanny who has even more resentment, the next thing I know Resentmentville is having it’s tenth annual corndog festival and I can barely remember how I even got here in the first place.

And then I’m an old, decrepit nanny who says things like “I did standup once” and everyone’s like “shut up you old hag! we’re trying to live our lives which are much better than yours!!!!”

I’m at the point in my life where I’m ready to take the next step BUT I AM SCARED and also sad that I’ll miss these little kiddos that I have spent almost everyday with for the past year. *deep sigh*

*Jay-Z voice* I’m not a business man, I’m a Business, man. (editor’s note: this is not the…