Late Night Thots

““Greetings loved ones” -Snoop Dogg” — Hannah Zahn

I just consumed so much caffeine that I can now see sounds. I have transcended. Let’s ride. Caffeine is good and all but I’m still searching for the stimulant that inspires me to make a claymation movie, because we all know some sort of drugs were involved in the creation of Wallace and Gromit. [Product placement] [sponsored by Wallace and Gromit]

Thoughts on claymation: it has never ever been worth all that effort.

I consumed a vast quantity of caffeine in order to write a Spanish paper but the smart part of my brain is currently out of remission so here we are; here we are.

Back on the subject of claymation: when I put my hair into a bun one of my so-called “friends” likes to tell me that I look like the evil lady from Chicken Run.

Oddly enough I am one of those people who often gets the “OMG you look just like [insert name of person who is pale w/ dark hair & thicc eyebrows]!” I never know what to say in response to this. “I know someone who looks JUST like you.”

“Thanks…?”

“Tell them to put on sunscreen!”

“Let them know that yellow is not our color.”

Speaking of this, people never fail to point out how pale I actually am. It’s like people don’t think I already know? It’s like they’re telling me something new. Like when someone points out that you accidentally left the tag on a new shirt…that’s how people react to my paleness.

“Wow you’re SO pale.”

“Holy shit! I forgot! How embarrassing!”

I’m so pale that I have to take that into consideration when thinking about future mates. Like if I procreate with someone as pale as I am we might just make invisible children.

Anyways I’m pretty sure the paleness and the eyebrows are my defining features. One time in lab this girl came up to me and whispered (as if it were a secret?) “you look just like Lily Collins.” Unfortunately, not all of my comparisons have been this flattering.

Here’s a list of 7 people I have been told that I look like:

  1. Snoop Dogg: twins. We are twins.

2. The Matrix (1990): non-character specific.

3. Peg from Freaky Friday: oddly descriptive, unmemorable character forgotten in the shadow of Lindsay Lohan’s iconic performance. Pictured far right lol jk got you for a second didn’t I haha!!! >:)

7. Wednesday Addams: I’m sensing a theme here… Although, to be fair, in third grade when my peers dressed up as princesses for Halloween I decided to go as the Grim Reaper (see below)

With that out of the way, I’d like to give a few messages to all the people I’ve been told I look like:

  1. The second you wear a color darker than beige people will begin to suspect that you might be goth.

6. Step # 5 was to throw off the weak links. Everyone else: target the weak links.

This blog was brought to you by Wallace and Gromit.

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